


No Wonder

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-29
Updated: 2003-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:17:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin reunite after Justin ran away to New York. Story assumes that Brian never went after Justin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian had just finished his meeting with the new artist Liberty Comics had signed. The business that he and Michael had started was very successful. Michael had always dreamed about starting his own comic, and he finally realized that dream. After Brian had lost his job at Ryder and David had left, the two friends collaborated on an old dream.

Brian had been persona non gratis to their family since Justin had run away. Debbie had never forgiven him for not going after Justin, and she reminded him every chance she got. Relations warmed between the two after about three years, but Deb still held her grudge about Brian not going after Justin.

Brian had never forgiven himself either. He had every intention of following the boy to New York City, but once everyone started laying into him, his asshole persona kicked in, and he refused to follow the brat. He cancelled his credit card, and moved on. He would never admit that the little twat had wormed his way into his heart. He was Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake, he didn’t love anyone, he didn’t need anyone.

The ‘family’ had in essence frozen him out, except Michael. Although even Michael had been surprised that he didn’t even try to find Justin. It was a cold, heartless move, even for Brian. Tensions eventually thawed, but battle lines were drawn. There were times when Brian wanted to contact Jennifer Taylor. He was certain that when Justin realized Brian wasn’t coming after him, he would contact “Mommy and Daddy” and go back to the WASP life he came from. Brian never contacted her because he knew she would never speak to him.

Justin haunted his thoughts during the day and his dreams at night. He knew he did the best thing for the boy by cutting him loose. Justin would return to his parents, and live the life he was meant to. Brian would satisfy himself with the memories of their brief time together. Justin was too good for someone like him. He figured he proved that by not chasing after him. Justin would chalk Brian Kinney up to being an asshole, and move on. But Brian never moved on.

***

 

 

Brian had finished his meeting with the newest author for Liberty Comics. He was smoking a joint in his suite at the Waldorf Astoria, reading The Village Voice. As he was skimming through the pages, an ad caught his eye. It was an advertisement for a gallery opening and the featured artist was Justin Taylor. It couldn’t be. Brian decided he would have to check it out, to see if the featured artist was truly his lost boy.

Brian arrived at the gallery. A sizable contribution had gained him admittance. He took an offered glass of champagne, and began to explore the gallery. He recognized the technique in many of the paintings, and he knew this artist was his blonde twink. After about thirty minutes he spotted Justin. Ten years had done the boy good, he was no longer a boy, but a man. Justin was dressed in all black. His hair was longer, a little shaggier, but his eyes were still sky blue, and his smile could still light up a room.

When he noticed that Justin was finally alone, Brian decided to make his move. The blonde had his back to him. Brian approached him from behind, and offered him a glass of champagne.

“Well, I see all the years I spent worrying about you were for naught.”

Justin spun around, his eyes wide, “Brian?”

“I see you have found your way back to the blue bloods, do they know about the time you spent slumming on Liberty Avenue?”

The blonde’s eyes turned to blue ice, “Fuck you Brian.”

“Not going to happen Sunshine, I don’t fuck people who steal from me.”

“Leave the name of your hotel, I’ll get the money to you … with interest”

Brian turned to walk away from the young artist, he looked over his shoulder and hissed, “I’m at the Waldorf.”

 

***

 

Justin was raw after his confrontation with Brian. He couldn’t believe that he was standing in the same room as the man. He had convinced himself that after all this time he was over the older man. Brian had certainly told him loud and clear that Justin meant nothing to him. He cancelled the credit card that Justin had stolen, and never came after him. Daphne was always irritated that Justin still loved Brian. She always reminded him that Brian had been an absolute shit to him. Justin could never explain that regardless of everything that had happened, Brian Kinney was still his dream.

He walked the city for hours before going home. It was six in the morning before he entered the brownstone he shared with Daphne and Jenny. When he let himself in, he found Daphne waiting for him. Justin was hoping to avoid this scene.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Out walking.”

Daphne saw Justin’s stricken demeanor, and immediately felt bad for her outburst. “What happened?”

“Brian was at the gallery tonight.”

“Brian??”

Justin hung his head, “Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“He accused me of being back in my ‘WASP’ world, and said my time at Liberty Avenue had been ‘slumming.’ Then he reminded me that I had stolen from him.”

“What an asshole!”

“I know Daph, I know he is, but I still …”

“You still love him.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to deliver the money to his hotel, and hopefully move on.”

 

***

 

Brian got back to the Waldorf around five in the afternoon. He was still a little raw from seeing Justin the night before. Seeing the object of his dream, in the flesh, had thrown him for a loop. He knew that he behaved like an asshole, but that persona was so natural for him. He had been worried about Justin for ten years, and to see him happy and successful angered Brian. The twat had stolen from him and run away in full ‘Drama Princess’ regalia, and now he was some big shot in the New York art scene. Brian was angry, angry that he had worried about the boy, obviously Justin Taylor was fine, and Brian Kinney didn’t mean shit to him.

“Mr. Kinney, this was delivered for you earlier.”

Brian took the pro-offered envelope, gave the desk clerk a tip and went to his suite. Once he was in his room, he opened the envelope. Inside was $5000 in cash, his credit card and a note. Justin’s charges had amounted to about $1000, so this ‘interest payment’ was quite generous. He read the note, “Repayment plus interest.” It said nothing more. Brian sunk into the chair, he had never felt so low.

 

***

 

Justin was sitting at his desk in the gallery. Jenny was running around, but business was slow, so Justin didn’t mind. He was surprised when his assistant Marie walked into his office. 

“Justin, there’s someone here to see you, a Mr. Kinney.”

Brian, “Send him in,” Marie led Brian into Justin’s office, “Marie, I promised Jenny some ice cream today, would you take her around the corner to Ben and Jerry’s, and then to the park?”

“Sure Justin.”

“Thank you.”

Justin silently offered Brian a chair across from his desk. The two men sat down, and faced each other. Neither one knew what to say.

Brian spoke first, “Who is the little girl?”

“My daughter, mine and Daphne’s.”

Brian didn’t know what to say, he just nodded.

“Brian, what are you doing here, didn’t you get my message?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“So why are you here? I’ve paid you back, we’re even.”

“Are we?”

“Look Brian, I know I was teenaged drama princess when I left. But, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it was just a fuck. That’s all it was meant to be. I’ve accepted it, you don’t need to worry about your teenage stalker coming around again. Now, I have work to do.”

Brian knew that he was being dismissed, he left Justin’s office silently, unsure of what had just happened.

 

***

 

Brian left the gallery, and just walked around. He came to a small park. He saw Justin’s assistant playing on the swings with the child he had heard called Jenny. He approached the two. The little girl jumped off the swings and headed towards him.

“I know you.”

“Excuse me?”

“My daddy has pictures of you, and he is always drawing you.”

This revelation made Brian’s heart sing, “I knew your daddy a long time ago.”

“You should come over for dinner. Marie, he can take me home.”

Marie looked at Brian, she recognized him from Justin’s pictures and drawings, “Ok J, you can take him home.”

The little girl was so excited, Brian was reminded of Gus when he got like this. Brian and Jenny spent a few hours walking around and playing in the park, until the little girl decided it was time to go home. She led Brian to a two story brownstone, and let herself in.

“Daddy, I brought a friend home for dinner.”

Brian heard Justin’s voice, “J, you know Marie is more than a fri …”

He stopped when he saw Brian in his living room, “J, go upstairs.”

“But daddy …”

“Upstairs … now!”

The little girl complied, she gave the two men a wistful glance.

“Brian what they fuck are you doing?”

“What are you talking …”

“Did you kidnap my kid, I mean why the fuck would she bring you here?”

“I saw her and your assistant in the park. She recognized me from pictures and paintings. So much for writing me off Sunshine.”

“Fuck you Brian!”

“Look, I’m here, don’t you think we should talk.”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“Really?”

“Look Brian, I got the picture loud and clear ten years ago. You cancelled your credit card and wrote me off, I really don’t see what there is to talk about. In fact, I should really thank you.”

“What for?”

“For just canceling your card and not reporting it stolen. If you had reported it stolen, I would have been arrested, but just canceling it they refused any additional charges. So thanks.”

“So what did you do, call your parents to come and fetch you? How did you and Daphne end up with a kid, are you straight now?”

Justin decided to answer Brian’s first question, “I never spoke to my parents again. I called once after I got to New York, but my dad answered the phone and was pretty clear that his ‘faggot’ son was not welcome, so I just stayed here.”

“How the hell did you manage that?”

Justin lowered his gaze, he didn’t want to look Brian in the eyes, “I was a go-go boy in a couple of the dance clubs. If you’re cute they don’t really care about your age.” Justin refused to look at Brian, his gaze focusing on every point in the room, except Brian, “Sometimes if I was a little short … I would hustle.”

Brian was livid, “You did what? Justin how could you do that, do you know what could have happened?”

Justin’s eyes shot blue steel, “What kind of choice did I have. No one in Pittsburgh wanted me …”

“So you decided to be a drama princess and disappear …”

“Excuse me? My parents basically told me I was not welcome in their home, you made it clear you didn’t want me around, was I supposed to pick up a Pittsburgh phone book and start calling for people to take me in?”

“Justin …”

“Besides, it wasn’t that bad, Daphne moved here after she graduated. We got an apartment, I found a job at a gallery, Daphne went to school. The gallery I worked for eventually started letting me show my work, and here I am!” Justin gave Brian a weary smile.

Brian suspected Justin was making the last ten years sound better than they really had been, but he decided to let it go. “So how did you end up with a kid?”

Brian saw a haze come over Justin’s eyes, the blonde’s eyes filled with unshed tears, “My sister gave birth to Jenny.”

“Molly? But she would have been just a kid …”

“I know Brian. Molly was raped when she was fourteen, and she ended up pregnant. Even though I didn’t speak to my parents, Molly and I kept in touch via e-mail and some telephone calls. When she realized she was pregnant, she asked me to raise the baby. She didn’t want to give her away to strangers. So we worked it out and had papers drawn up. She wasn’t going to tell my parents she was pregnant until it was too late for an abortion. They freaked out, but clamed when she told them she was going to give it up. After she gave birth, they were going the baby and deliver her to Daphne and I here in New York.”

“To you and Daphne?”

“We both were going to adopt her, and raise her together.”

Seeing the sad look in Justin’s eyes, Brian knew there was more, “I take it things didn’t work out like that.”

“No. When Molly was eight months pregnant, she and my parents were in a very bad accident. My parents were killed instantly. Molly lived long enough to give birth and hold Jenny one time. Daphne and I made it to Pittsburgh just in time to see Jenny born and say goodbye to Molly.” By this time, Justin had tears rolling down his face. Brian wanted nothing more than to take the younger man in his arms, but he knew that would be a mistake. “I never believed that I wouldn’t have the chance to say goodbye to my parents. I guess I always held onto the belief that someday we would be reconciled. Life has an annoying way of not turning out the way you plan.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So, you know my story, tell me what the ‘King of Liberty Avenue’ has been up to for the last ten years. Do you own the agency yet?”

“Well Sunshine, like you said, life doesn’t always work out the way we plan. I was fired from Ryder a few months after you left.”

“Oh my god what happened?”

“I got sued for sexual harassment. I fucked some guy at work, than he decided I should give him a promotion that he didn’t deserve. When I refused him, he sued me. Melanie put up a good fight, but in the end, the old ‘where there’s smoke there’s fire’ excuse won out, and I was fired.”

Justin spoke sincerely, “I’m sorry Brian, I wish I had been there, I could have helped.”

“Justin, there’s nothing anyone could have done. My reckless lifestyle finally caught up with me.”

“I would have figured something out.”

Brian knew how devious Justin could be when he put his mind to it, “That would have been entertaining.”

“So what did you do?”

“Well, Mikey ended up breaking up with Dr. Dave …”

“Are you two together?”

Brian was shocked at this question, “God no, Mikey finally got over his teenage crush on me, and we moved on. He was the only one who still talked to me after you left. Everyone else pretty much froze me out. They couldn’t believe what a heartless prick I was, letting you disappear, canceling my credit card … they all wanted me to go after you.”

Justin spoke very softly, “Why didn’t you?”

Brian tried to figure out how to put his thoughts into words, “I was going to. Daphne told me you had run off to New York, and I was all set to jump on the next plane to come fetch you. But then everyone else started putting in their two cents worth, and my asshole persona kicked in, and I refused to chase you. I regretted it immediately. I was able to find out from the credit card company what hotel you stayed at. I contacted them and found out that you had left after the credit card company informed them no additional charges would be authorized. That’s when I figured you had gone back to Mommy and Daddy and just resumed your life. I had no idea you stayed here.”

“You never asked anyone?”

“It would have ruined my illusions that you were safe and sound. Besides, somehow I didn’t think your parents would be too receptive to me coming around after everything that had happened.”

Justin tried to process what Brian had just told him, he decided to switch to a safer topic, “So what did you do for a job?”

Brian recognized the switch in topics, and was silently grateful, “Well Mikey has always dreamed about writing his own comic, and he actually had a lot of good ideas. So he found some artists to work with, and I was his marketer. We started Liberty Comics, and have done pretty well.”

“Pretty well, fuck Brian, Liberty Comics has emerged as the premier comic publisher in the country. I can’t believe that’s you and Michael.”

“Well Mikey has never had a head for business, so he works with the authors in between his own stuff, I handle the business end. That’s why I’m here in New York, signing a new writer.” 

“Wow, that’s great Brian! So have relations thawed between you and the gang? How’s Gus, I’ll bet he’s the spitting image of you. I want to hear about everyone.”

“Yeah, relations have gotten better, it took about three years, but like you say, life doesn’t go the way you plan.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Melanie and Lindsey were killed in a car accident seven years ago. Gus lives with me now.”

Tears welled up in Justin’s eyes, “God Brian, I …”

Hazel eyes looked into blue, “I know. It was rough, it happened two days before Thanksgiving, it made the holidays that year pretty rough.”

“Brian two days before Thanksgiving, seven years ago … that’s the night Jenny was born.”

The two men looked at each other, they had been so close to each other that night, and yet so far away.

 

***

 

Both men were feeling a little bit raw after their conversation, and were reluctant to continue. Justin broke the silence first, “Dinner should be just about ready.”

He got up and went to the staircase, “Jenny, dinner in ten minutes.”

“Ok Daddy.”

At that moment, Daphne came home. She was shocked to see Brian Kinney sitting in their living room, “Brian?”

Brian got up and kissed Daphne on the cheek, “Hey Daph, long time no see.”

She glared at him for a second, but his charm always won her over, “Yeah, it has been.”

Jenny came bounding down the stairs, and launched herself at Daphne, “Mommy!”

“Hey baby, did you have fun at the gallery with Daddy today?”

“Yeah, I got to play and then Marie took me for ice cream and we played in the park, and I got to meet Daddy’s friend, and I brought him home for dinner.”

Daphne looked over at Brian, who just smiled back.

The four sat down for dinner, and Brian got to see how this family interacted. Justin and Daphne talked about their day, being sure to include Jenny in their conversation. They even explained situations to Brian so that he wouldn’t feel left out. Brian was amazed to see a healthy family at work, it was something even Melanie and Lindsey never managed to work out. He briefly wondered if Justin and Daphne had gotten married for Jenny’s sake. There was still so much he didn’t know, and so much he wanted to.

 

***

 

After dinner, Daphne excused herself to go upstairs. She took Jenny to get ready for bed, and planned on crashing herself. She had put in twelve hours at the hospital, being a resident in the ER was always tiring.

After the girls had gone upstairs, Justin poured two glasses of whiskey and handed one to Brian who was sitting on the couch. He sat down on the easy chair across from Brian.

“You have a great family Justin.”

“Thanks Brian, we’ve worked really hard to get to where we are.”

“Are you and Daphne married?”

Justin almost choked on his drink, “What, god no, why would you think that?”

“Well, I thought you might have done it for Jenny.”

“We actually talked about it, but figured that would be a huge mistake. We are committed to raising Jenny together, but we didn’t want to create any false illusions. We figured it would probably blow up in our faces, so we never did it.”

Daphne’s voice interrupted them, “Justin, Jenny is getting into bed.”

“I’ll be right back Bri.”

Justin disappeared upstairs, and was back in a few minutes. Brian was standing up and fetching his coat, “I have an early flight back to Pittsburgh tomorrow, I’d better get going.” Justin nodded his understanding. “Sunshine, where do we go from here?”

Justin walked over to his wallet, removed a business card and scribbled some additional information on it. He handed it to Brian, “Let’s keep in touch, become friends, and then see.”

Brian looked at Justin, nodded and headed for the door, “Later Justin.”

“Later Bri.”


	2. No Wonder

Justin watched the door for several minutes after Brian left. He didn’t even hear Daphne come up behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulders. She spoke softly in his ear, but her words and her meaning was clear. “Before you make any decisions based on an unresolved crush or teenaged memories, I want you to remember how far you’ve come to get where you are, and remember, a large part of what you had to overcome was because of him.”

“Daph, I …”

Daphne led Justin over to the couch, and the two old friends sat across from each other. Daphne knew that a little bit of tough love was in order. Justin had never been rational when it came to Brian Kinney. She knew her best friend, sometimes better than he knew himself, and right now, he was being overly romantic about the older man. She didn’t want to completely derail the fact that Brian and Justin might have a future, but she knew the two men would have a long road and a lot of obstacles to get over in order to get to the other side. Without interference, Justin would gloss over everything that had happened to him because of Brian. She wasn’t going to crucify the older man, Justin certainly had his part in the whole situation, but Justin would gloss over all of that just to be in Brian’s arms again. That led Daphne to Brian. She didn’t spend a lot of time with Brian during the time he had been with Justin, but she had inferred a lot about the other man. She knew that unless Brian was forced to deal with the past, he would gloss over it too. She figured out a lot about Brian Kinney over the years. Between what she learned from Justin and the clinical psychology classes she had taken, she knew the man would never express feelings or emotions unless he had to. He would jump back into a relationship with Justin without facing the past. She knew both men would want to take the easy road, and while that may prove good at first, it would end disastrously.

“Justin, I know that you love Brian, or at least the idea of Brian. He was your first, and that is always important in someone’s life. But let’s be honest here, you knew nothing about him. Sure you learned some things about him in the time you spent together, but you didn’t have enough time to truly develop a real relationship.”

“Fuck you, Daphne!”

“Shut up and listen to me. I am your best friend and I love you, but I’m not going to sugar coat the realities of the situation, of the past, like I’m sure you did to Brian. I’m sure you gave the ‘sugar coated’ version of your early New York days. I know you and you would never tell him the truth. You wouldn’t want him to feel guilty about what happened and you wouldn’t want his pity. He did some shitty things, you did some stupid things, and unless you admit them and work through it, you two will have a relationship based on illusions. It won’t be real. Sure, you’ll have some great sex and a lot of fun, but that will pass. What will you tell him about the nightmares? Will you sleep alone so you won’t wake him up with your screams? You need to face the past and so does he.”

“Daphne, you don’t understand …”

“What don’t I understand? Have I said anything that is not true?”

“No, but Brian hasn’t had it easy either. He lost his job at the agency, Melanie and Lindsey are dead, and he is raising Gus alone. He told me he regretted never going after me, that he has been haunted by it, and by me for ten years. Did you know that Melanie and Lindsey died the same night, in the same hospital that Jenny was born at?”

Daphne didn’t know how to respond, “No I didn’t.”

“So don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”

“Bullshit Justin, all of that just makes your situation more complicated. Not only do you have your ten years to work through, you have his as well. All I am saying is don’t take the easy way out.”

“The easy way? You think this is easy?”

“The easy way is by you not being honest with Brian about what your life has been like. The easy way is by Brian not being honest with you about what his life has been like. You can go ahead, jump back into each other’s bed, and pretend nothing ever happened, but it will be a disaster.”

Justin started to get up from the couch, Daphne stopped him, and got up to get a book from the shelf, “Before you run away, I want you to listen to something.” Daphne opened up the book she had pulled down, and began to read, 

“‘Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;  
Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim,  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,   
And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I kept the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,  
I doubted if I should ever come back.   
I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.’

You were the first person who ever read this to me. Do you remember? It was when I was in my first year of medical school and I was going to chuck it away because it was too hard. You wouldn’t let me take the easy way out, and I am not going to let you do it either.”

Justin’s face lost the hard edge it had taken on; he nodded to Daphne and hugged her before heading upstairs.

 

***

 

Justin lay down on his bed, and finally let the tears he had been holding inside fall. He knew that Daphne was right; he and Brian had no chance for a future until they could face the past. Justin didn’t know if he could do it. He had barely faced the past himself, he wasn’t sure if he could share it with Brian. Damn, Daphne knew him too well. He knew it was a mistake encouraging her to pursue her minor in psychology. It was coming back to bite him in the ass. How could he tell Brian the truth? Sure in some ways he blamed Brian, who wouldn’t? But in moments of clarity, it was his own stupidity about his relationship with Brian that put him where he was. He knew relationship wasn’t even the right word. All they had done, really, was fuck a few times, and Justin thought it was more. He pushed that on Brian. Hell, he was still pushing when he took off for New York with Brian’s credit card. At the time, he wanted to believe that Brian took him in because he cared, but in reality Brian had been pushed into it by his mother. He knew Brian felt guilty about his father’s ultimatum and that was why Justin ended up living in Brian’s loft. Justin was hoping for the fairy tale. He was looking for the happy ending that would never come.

 

New York City – 10 years earlier

 

Justin was still holed up in the hotel room he had checked into after he arrived. He knew he was waiting for Brian to come and get him, but it had been three days, and no one came. There was a knock at his door. Justin went to answer it and found the hotel manager.

“Mr. Taylor, we have been informed that the credit card you used when you checked in has been cancelled. The current charges will be covered, but no additional charges will be authorized. So unless you have an alternate form of payment, you will need to check out.”

Justin felt like he had been punched in the stomach. “I will check out today, sir.”

The manager looked at him with sad eyes. He had a feeling this kid was in trouble, but there were limits to what he could do. He just nodded to the young man and left.

Justin looked around the room. He slowly packed his small bag and prepared to leave. Before leaving the room, he decided to place a call to his parents, maybe, just maybe they would be able to understand. He used his calling card since no other charges would be placed to the room. His dad answered the phone.

“Hello Dad?”

“Justin?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you want?”

“I wanted to know if I could move back home?”

“Are you still a fag?”

Justin held back a second, “I’m gay dad, that’s not going to change.”

“Well, until you get over this ‘phase’ you are not welcome in this home.” Before Justin could respond, his father had hung up. Justin held back his tears and contemplated his next move.

He had two hundred dollars that he had saved, but he knew that wouldn’t get him far in New York. He decided he would try and sell some sketches in Central Park. Maybe, he could earn enough to rent a room or something.

 

***

Three weeks later, Justin was barely surviving. He could earn enough from his sketches to eat, but he found himself sleeping on the streets. There were secluded spots in Central Park he could sleep. He was hassled a little bit and a couple guys tried to rough him up, but he was able to hold his own. He got into a couple of fights, but nothing major. Justin knew he was going to have to figure something out.

He’d been in contact with Daphne. She freaked out on him when she found out he wasn’t coming home. She was cursing Brian when she found out he didn’t come after Justin, and she was shocked when Justin related the phone call to his father. Daphne wanted Justin to come home and stay with her family, but he refused. He was going to take care of himself and somehow make it work.

One afternoon, about three weeks later, Justin found himself by the docks. He was wandering around aimlessly when he was approached by a young man about his age. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

Justin looked at the young man skeptically, “Excuse me?”

“I was just making conversation. No reason to get skittish.”

“Sorry, I haven’t been in the city too long.”

“That’s ok, I was the same way. I’m James, by the way.”

“Justin.”

“It’s nice to meet you. So, you living on the streets?”

Justin felt a blush creep onto his cheeks, “Umm, yeah.”

“How have you been making money?”

“Drawing, I’m an artist.”

“Making any money?”

“Just enough to eat, I sleep in the park a lot.”

“Yeah, I tried doing that. I play the sax, and I thought I would be able to make enough money doing that, but it didn’t work out that way.”

“So what did you do?”

“I started hustling.”

Justin felt bile rise in his throat. “I don’t think I could do that.”

“Justin, I thought the same thing, but you do what you have to. I make enough money for a small apartment. It’s honest work. I can show you the ropes.”

“I don’t know …”

“Look Justin, I’ve been where you are. I’ve slept on the streets and tried to make it with art, but it doesn’t work. The hustling, it’s hard to accept, but you are always the one in control. You run every interaction, you provide the condom, and you set the rules.”

“Does it ever get out of hand?”

“I’ll be honest with you, sometimes it can. I’ve been roughed up a few times, but never too bad. It’s still better than being on the streets. Look, you can stay with me, help with expenses, and I’ll help you out. I know it’s not something you ever planned on doing, but life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.”

Thus began Justin Taylor’s career as a hustler. He lied to Brian, he never worked in any of the clubs, he made his money hustling. Justin knew if he told Brian that, the man would never look at him the same way again. He figured by sugar coating the truth, Brian might be able to forgive him. Maybe, if Brian thought Justin only hustled occasionally, he would be able to forgive him.

James was true to his word, and showed Justin the ropes. He showed him what areas were better, places you would meet people looking for a little pleasure. Justin found himself in some precarious situations a few times. He was roughed up sometimes, but nothing too serious. James was adamant about condoms and regular testing. It wasn’t the life he pictured, but he was surviving. He had a roof over his head and food to eat. He still spent his days drawing in Central Park. He had some good days where he could make some money. His nights were spent hustling. Most of the time, it was like James said, people looking for a little pleasure. Sometimes, he would pick someone up that was into rougher stuff, but James taught him how to handle that. James was a big believer in self defense. He belonged to a gym and would take Justin with him. Soon Justin was able to handle any rough stuff that came his way.

Justin kept in touch with Pittsburgh. He and Daphne were in constant contact. He threatened to cut off contact if she told anyone anything about him. He refused to let her come to New York. She was constantly bugging him to let her come and visit. Justin wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t want her to see how he was living. He knew that Daphne loved him and would never judge him, but he was still embarrassed to let her know he was making his living as a hustler.

Justin was also in contact with Molly. Daphne had told him his little sister was devastated when Justin went away. He and Daphne devised ways for Justin to contact Molly. Daphne set her up with an e-mail account through Daph’s internet provider. They didn’t want to risk Craig or Jennifer finding out their daughter was in contact with Justin. They also talked on the phone whenever they could.

The shit hit the fan when Daphne arrived in New York to go to college.

 

***

 

Justin clutched his knees to his chest as he cried. How could he ever tell Brian he had been a whore? Brian would never forgive him. That was one thing Brian had scruples about. He never paid for sex, and he felt disdain for those who had. Justin had tested the waters by telling Brian he hustled occasionally. Brian had been furious, but Justin quickly downplayed the truth and the older man had accepted it. How would Brian react if he had ever learned the truth? He would never look at Justin the same way again.

Justin decided he could never tell Brian the truth. He figured he could bluff Daphne and skate around Brian. Deep down, he knew he would never be able to pull it off, but he could fool himself for a while.

 

Ten Years earlier

 

Daphne knew that Justin was not being honest with her. The fact that Justin would not allow her to visit spoke volumes. Daphne decided she would apply to Columbia. They had a great pre-med program and she would be able to find out what was going on with Justin.

She knew that Justin was shocked when she told him that she would be attending Columbia. Going with her instincts, she convinced her parents to let her get an apartment instead of living in the dorms. She knew he was lying about how things were going in New York. Justin claimed he was making money by selling his art, and doing great. Daphne didn’t doubt Justin’s talent, but she knew there was no way he was supporting himself by selling his art in Central Park. 

Daphne arrived in New York two weeks ahead of schedule. She tracked Justin down and saw him hustling on the streets. She was devastated that her friend had to resort to selling his body for money. One night, she finally confronted him. He was alone on the corner she had seen him working.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Justin whirled around, “Daph?!? What are you doing here?”

“You don’t really think I’ve believed all the shit you’ve been dishing out over the last year. I have to say, I never thought I would find yourself peddling your ass on a street corner.”

Justin was visibly angry. “What choice did I have? Brian didn’t want me. My parents didn’t want me. It’s called survival, Daph.”

“Well, it stops now!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I knew you were bullshitting me, so I convinced my parents I needed to live in an apartment rather than a dorm. You’re moving in with me ASAP and you’re going to find a real job. With all the galleries in this city, you can find something. The majority of our living expenses will be covered. My parents don’t know anything about this. It will be between you and me. I know you, Justin. I know this is killing you. Please, we’ll work it out … together.”

Justin looked into Daphne’s eyes. He saw the love his best friend had for him and he just broke down. He collapsed into her arms and just cried. Daphne just held him until he was all cried out. He moved in with Daphne that day. He explained it to James and his friend understood. Justin promised James, when the opportunity arose, he would get James off the street. Justin never forgot James and the two remained friends.

 

***

 

To: jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com  
From: bkinney@libertycomics.com  
Subject: Hey

This is kind of weird. To be talking to you after so long. Today was a pretty shitty day. Two of our writers missed a deadline. Everything always goes to shit when that happens. It throws everything off. Mikey is good about a lot of areas in this business, but when people are missing their deadlines, he is useless. I always have to be the bad guy in this situation, but I guess I am the best at it.

How’s the Big Apple? How are my girls?

 

Love,  
Brian

 

 

 

 

***

 

To: bkinney@libertycomics.com  
From: jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com  
Subject Re: Hey

Well in every situation, someone has to be the bad guy. Not to insult you, but you are definitely the better candidate. You can separate business from emotions, that’s an important trait.

The Big Apple is fine, the girls are fine.  
J

 

***

 

“Justin Taylor.”

“Hey.”

“Hey Brian, what’s up?”

“Does something have to be up for me to call you?”

“I guess not.”

Brian paused before answering, he pinched the bridge of his nose. This was Justin’s idea to “keep in touch, become friends”, “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Well, I feel like I’m pulling teeth to get anything out of you. I thought you wanted to become friends?”

“I’m sorry, I do. It’s just weird, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“There’s an ocean between us, Brian. I guess I just wonder if there’s any way across it.”

Brian was silent for a moment, “Only if we want there to be.”

“I do, Brian, it’s just hard.”

“I know.”

 

***

 

Correspondence between the two continued in this awkward manner. Both men wanted to try, but both were afraid of opening up too much. Brian kept pushing Justin to come home. Justin sensed the older man was pushing for them to jump back into their old routine, mainly sex, and Justin knew that would not work. He sensed that Brian knew it too, but wasn’t willing to admit it.

After the original confrontation, Daphne wisely kept her thoughts to herself. She didn’t want to push Justin. She knew she pushed a lot that first night, but it was important to her. She knew the two men loved each other immensely, but they had to work through the past, not ignore it.

 

***

“So, have you talked to Brian lately?”

“A few phone calls, a few e-mails.”

“How’s it going?”

“It’s awkward.”

“Well, what do you expect?”

Justin heaved a huge sigh, “Daph, I know you want me to come clean with Brian, but tell me how to explain to the man that I love, that I have always loved, that circumstances he contributed to forced me to become a whore. You tell me how to tell him that. Because I don’t know how.”

Daphne ached at the anguish in her best friend’s voice. She hated to see him in this much pain, but she truly believed he needed to go through it. “You just tell him. It’s your history, it’s your past, and it’s your truth. If he truly loves you, he’ll understand/”

“Daphne, do you have your head in the clouds? What if a guy you met and fell head over heels in love with, told you he used to turn tricks in Times Square? Would you just hug him and make warm fuzzies? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you wouldn’t look at him like a common piece of street trash?”

Daphne couldn’t answer him, “I thought so. Look Daph, you had a really great point that Brian and I need to face the past in order to have a future, but maybe the past is just too ugly.”

“There’s only one person who can make that determination Justin.”

“I know.”

 

***

 

To: bkinney@libertycomics.com  
From: jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com  
Subject: Visit

B,  
I was thinking about paying a visit to the Pitts in the next couple of weeks. What do you think?  
J


	3. No Wonder

To: jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com   
From: bknney@libertycomics.com  
Subject: Re: Visit   
J,  
I think a visit would be well in order. Make sure you bring my girl. Let me know your travel plans.

B

***

“Kinney.”   
“Hey Brian?”  
"Justin, I was hoping you’d call.”  
“Really?”  
“Of course, you twat. Are you still coming next week?”  
“Yeah, I just wanted to give you the details.”  
“Ok, spill it,”  
“Well, Jenny and I will be coming on Saturday morning. Liberty Air flight 627. We get in at 7:30 in the evening. I still need to work out hotel accommodations.”  
“Nonsense, you’ll stay with me.”  
“Brian, you have Gus, I can’t imagine that there’s room in the loft for two more.”  
“J, I don’t have the loft anymore. Did you really think that after seven years, I would be raising Gus in the loft with a makeshift bedroom? I own a house, and I have two guest rooms. There will be plenty of room for you and Jenny.”  
Justin paused for a second, “J?”  
“Yeah, I’m here Brian, ok, we’ll stay with you. Does anyone else know we are coming?”  
Brian paused before answering, “No, I haven’t told anyone that we have been in contact.”  
“Why not?”  
“I wasn’t sure what to say. It’s been so long.”  
“I guess. Well, I will see you on Saturday. Can you give me your address so we can take a cab?”  
“No, Gus and I will meet your plane.”  
Justin paused. “Oh, ok. Well, I’ll see you then. Bye, Bri.”  
“Later, Justin.”

***

Justin looked at the disarray on his bed. He had about three hours until he had to leave for the airport and he was nowhere near packed. He had no idea what to bring, he didn’t know what Brian had planned and he was extremely nervous. Daphne helped by getting Jenny packed and ready. She knew Justin was having a tough time mentally preparing for this trip, but she knew he needed to do it. There was so much he needed closure on and Brian was only part of it.  
“Do you need me to pack your bags too?”  
Justin turned and looked at Daphne and stuck his tongue out at her. It was such a childish gesture that Daphne dissolved into giggles. Her laughter was infectious and Justin started laughing too.  
“I think I can pack my own bags. Thank you very much.”  
“Well, you wouldn’t know by looking.”  
“Ha ha.”  
“Seriously J, it’s going to be ok.”  
“How do you know that? I haven’t been back in ten years.”  
“I didn’t say it would be easy, but it will be ok.”  
“We’ll see.”  
Daphne wisely held her tongue. She knew what Justin was facing. Not only was he going to have to face Brian, he was going to have to face his parents. Justin had refused to attend their funeral and had never visited their grave. He had said goodbye to Molly at the hospital and knew his sister would understand his absence at her funeral.  
Daphne was worried that Justin wouldn’t come clean with Brian. She knew Brian left New York believing he and Justin were going to have a fresh start. That would never happen unless the two came to terms with the past. Daphne knew Brian Kinney. Unless he was forced to, he wouldn’t face what had happened to Justin. She knew Justin was very protective of Brian. He wouldn’t want the older man to carry guilt about the situation Justin had found himself in when Brian had rejected him. Justin knew the way Brian carried guilt and would want to spare him that, but Daphne believed that would be disastrous. She hoped Justin would come clean with Brian, but she feared that he wouldn’t.

***

Justin spent the flight going over some figures for the new gallery that he was opening. James had sent over the latest proposals before Justin left for New York. Justin and James had remained friends over the years. Justin never forgot how James had helped him when he was on the streets. When Justin moved in with Daphne, he had gotten a part time job at a gallery. Within two years he was promoted to manager and he brought James in as his assistant. Three years ago, Justin opened his own gallery and James was his partner. Being off the streets gave James the opportunity to pursue his music. Being a great jazz sax player, he usually had several gigs a week with different groups.  
Taylor Galleries quickly gained attention in Manhattan, and the partners found themselves ready to expand. They thought about buying larger space for the So-Ho gallery, but they were attracting so much attention from the Fifth Avenue crowd that they decided to open a second location uptown. They would be ready to open in about six weeks.  
Jenny kept herself occupied with her coloring books and headphones. Justin was thankful for the break. He didn’t want to think about what was waiting for him in Pittsburgh. He knew Daphne was right about coming clean with Brian, but he still didn’t know if he could. Brian would never look at him the same way again. Justin wasn’t proud of having to hustle in his early days in New York, but he wasn’t ashamed. James had helped him with that, but Justin didn’t know how he could tell Brian.  
Father and daughter came through security, immediately spotting Brian waiting for him. Brian raised his hand in a small wave. Justin nodded to indicate that he had seen him. Jenny saw Brian and ran over to him. She launched herself into the older mans arms, “Hi Brian!”  
“Hi princess, how was your flight?”  
“It was cool. I’ve never been on a plane before.”  
“Well I’m glad it was fun. Jenny, this is my son, Gus.” Brian introduced the little girl to the boy standing beside him. Gus was the spitting image of his father. He carried Brian’s detached demeanor, but Jenny was Justin’s daughter and she started talking a mile a minute. Within seconds, the two were talking like old friends.  
“Hi Justin.”  
Justin gave Brian a small smile, “Hi Brian.”  
The two men didn’t know how to greet each other, so a small smile would have to suffice. They walked silently to the baggage claim. The two kids were chattering away, covering the awkwardness their fathers’ felt.  
Bags secured, Brian led the three to his car. Justin was surprised to see Brian driving a Lexus sedan instead of the jeep. “No jeep Bri?”  
“No, it wasn’t exactly conducive for driving a three year old and all his shit around.”  
Justin laughed at the comment. Brian Kinney, family man, who would have thought? Justin felt the knots build in his stomach as they began to drive the streets of Pittsburgh. Brian knew that Justin had to have a lot of thoughts going through his mind, so he kept quiet. Once again, the laughter of their children covered up the silence between the two men.  
Brian pulled up to the house that Melanie and Lindsey had lived in. Justin looked at Brian with silent questions in his eyes. “I thought it would be easier for Gus. This was his home and he was already distraught enough losing his mommies, I didn’t want him to lose his home as well.”  
Justin didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. Brian led them into the house and began to walk up the stairs. “Come on, I’ll show you to your rooms.”  
Brian led the three upstairs. He stopped at one of the rooms. “Jenny, this is where you’ll be sleeping.”  
He led her into a nice room that had a double bed with an oak dresser. It was decorated very nicely with mauve wallpaper and a floral trim. “Why don’t you unpack, you can put your clothes in the dresser.”  
The two men left Jenny unpacking, and Brian led Justin to the bedroom next door. This room was more masculine, with navy blue walls and cream accents. “I’ll leave you while you unpack.”  
“Ok … umm … thanks, Brian.”  
Brian just nodded to Justin as he left the room.

***

Brian sat on the patio smoking a cigarette. He needed a few minutes alone to collect his thoughts. He really didn’t expect things to be so awkward with Justin. He knew that ten years had passed between them, but he thought the revelations they had made that night in New York would clear that up. Obviously, he was wrong. He didn’t know what it was. Had Justin changed his mind after Brian’s visit to New York? They didn’t really make any decisions, but Brian thought they were on the right track. Maybe it’s just strange for him being back in Pittsburgh.  
Justin’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “Can I join you, or is this a solitary brooding session?”  
Brian smirked at that remark, “I am not brooding.”  
“Whatever.”  
The two men laughed, maybe things wouldn’t be so awkward after all.  
“So how does it feel being back in the Pitts.”  
“Strange. It’s harder than I thought. I don’t know what I expected. I guess I just thought enough time had passed that it wouldn’t be so bad.”  
“Is it that bad?”  
“I’m just nervous.”  
“That’s understandable. Debbie is having a ‘family dinner’ on Monday. Do you think you’ll be up for it?”  
Justin knew Brian was being considerate of his feelings. “Do they know I’m here?”  
“No, I didn’t want to put that pressure on you. If you’re not up to it, Gus will miraculously develop a cold.”  
“No, I think it should be ok.”  
Brian nodded. “What else do you want to do while you’re here?”  
Justin was silent for a moment. “I want to go to my parents’ grave. I never went to the funeral, and I’ve never been to their grave. I think it’s time.”  
“It would probably be good for you. Do you want to take Jenny?”  
“No, I don’t think that would be a good idea. At least, not this time, maybe in the future.”  
“Well, I’ll keep the kids, you can take my car.”  
“Thanks.” Brian noticed the younger man still very subdued. “I’m going to get Jenny ready for bed. She’s had a big day. Good night.”  
Brian watched Justin walk into the house, and wondered if they would ever find their way back to each other.

***

Justin stood staring at the grave stones. Jennifer Carolyn Taylor, 1962-2003 Beloved wife and mother. Craig Daniel Taylor, 1960-2003, Devoted husband and father.  
“Is that true, dad? Were you a devoted husband and father? Or did it only count because you disowned your son and were devoted to your daughter? The one who didn’t disappoint you, or did she? How did you react when you found out she was pregnant at fourteen? Did you ever find out that she intended for me to raise her child? That’s right dad, your queer son is raising your grandchild. I hope for Jenny’s sake, I do a better job than you did. I know one thing for sure, I will never reject her. There is nothing on this earth that she could do or be that would ever cause me to reject her, to turn her away.”  
Justin felt tears fall down his cheeks. His memories were so mixed up. He remembered being a kid playing little league with his dad as the coach. He sucked at baseball, but it was fun because he was with his dad, his dad holding him and reading him a story when he was sick. Then he remembered his dad hitting him when he found out he was gay. His dad hitting and kicking Brian. His dad telling him on the phone, “As long as you are a fag, you are not welcome in this house.”  
Justin fell to his knees as the sobs wracked through his body. He looked over at his mother’s name. He traced the letters on the cold stone. Did she ever miss him after he ran away? Did she even try to look for him? Or did she write him off like his father had? He never knew. He was always too afraid to ask Molly, and his sister had never volunteered any information.   
He remembered his mom giving him his first box of crayons. He pictured their refrigerator always covered with his art. He remembered his mom trying to be so understanding about his sexuality. His mom giving him away to Brian. His mom telling him she had to consider her whole family and not just his desires. Justin gently lay the bouquet of roses under his mother’s name. Sterling silver roses, those were always her favorite.  
Molly Kathryn Taylor, 1989-2003, beloved daughter. That was it, just daughter, not sister. Even in death, Justin’s existence had been erased from his family.  
“Hey Mollusk. This is the first time I’ve been here. I’m so sorry I didn’t come to the funeral, but I think you understood. Jenny is so beautiful, I brought you a picture.” Justin placed the framed picture of Jenny under Molly’s name. “She is so much like you. She drives me crazy just like you always did. She understands about you as best a seven year old can. Daph and I tell her that the mommy that gave birth to her is an angel in heaven so she can always watch her. You would be so proud of her. I really miss you, I wish you were here. I feel so alone. I’ve been erased from our family. Did mom and dad ever talk about me? Did they ever wistfully wonder if I was ok? Did they ever look for me? I guess I’ll never know, but maybe I don’t want to.”

***

Justin got back to Brian’s house around seven. He just sat at the cemetery for hours. He walked in and found Brian and the kids having dinner. Brian heard him come in, and turned around. “Hey, we were just getting started. The kids were hungry so we couldn’t wait anymore.”  
“That’s ok, I’m not hungry. I’m going upstairs to lay down. Will you get Jenny to bed for me?”  
Brian nodded, “Of course.”  
Justin walked over and gave Jenny and Gus a kiss on the top of their heads and then placed his arm on Brian’s shoulder, and silently thanked him.  
Brian watched Justin slowly walk upstairs, he knew the day’s activities had to have worn the younger man out. He hoped Justin had found the closure he was looking for.  
***

Several hours later, Brian couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t sure why. He usually had no trouble sleeping. Keeping up with Gus and running Liberty Comics usually wore him out. He hated to admit it but he wasn’t as young as he used to be. He stopped in front of Justin’s door. He was going to peer inside the bedroom to make sure Justin was ok, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to force himself on Justin. Brian hoped Justin knew that he could come to him if he needed to.  
Brian went downstairs and was surprised to see the candle burning on the patio table. He saw Justin’s silhouette in one of the chairs. The artist was wrapped up in a blanket smoking a cigarette. Brian quietly slid the patio door open. Justin looked up. Brian gestured to the empty chair, silently questioning whether Justin wanted to be alone or not. Justin just nodded.  
Brian sat across from him. In the candle light, Justin looked almost ethereal. Brian lit a cigarette and the two sat in silence for several minutes. Brian was just about to leave when Justin spoke softly.  
“I wonder if they even missed me. At the cemetery, Molly’s headstone says ‘beloved daughter.’ That’s it, not sister, just daughter. It’s like I never even existed. I started to wonder if the ‘post Justin’ Taylor family was the stuff greeting cards were made of. Perfect family. Loving parents. No faggot for a son. I’ll bet it was nice.”  
“Justin don’t …”  
“Don’t what Brian? I’m not like you. You sliced your family out of your life and never looked back. I’m not like that. I had a great family, one that I thought was perfect. Until they found out I was gay. Then I was hit by my father. My mother pawned me off on you. And when I told her I wanted to come home, she told me I couldn’t.”  
This surprised Brian, “You asked to go home?”  
Justin chuckled, “Yeah, ironic isn’t it? I told her I wanted to come home on the same day the loft was robbed. She told me she had an entire family to think about, not just my desires. I actually lost both the homes I ever had on the same day. Poetic justice isn’t it. I left home because I wanted to be with you. But then when I wanted to go back, I lost everything.”  
Brian wanted desperately to go to Justin, but he didn’t know what to say. He saw tears falling from the pools of blue, suddenly Justin’s entire body was shaking as he sobbed. Brian got up from his chair and kneeled in front of Justin. He simply held the younger man as he cried.

***

On Monday, Brian had to go to work for a few hours. He let Justin take the car again. Justin wanted to show Jenny around his hometown, so he was going to take both kids and would pick Brian up after work. Brian knew that Justin was nervous about going to Debbie’s for dinner. The younger man hid his feelings almost as well as Brian, but Brian was the master.  
Justin was emotionally spent after the previous day. He couldn’t believe he had fallen apart in Brian’s arms the night before. Brian had held him so gently as he cried. Justin had never felt so safe. How could he possibly tell Brian the truth?  
Justin and the kids had a fun day going around Pittsburgh. Justin took them to places he had been as a kid. Gus and Jenny hit it off so well, they were like old friends. Maybe that’s just how it was with Kinneys and Taylors. He was careful not to go anywhere that would be too emotional. The day before had been enough. Besides, he knew dinner that night would be tough and he needed his strength.  
Justin and the kids picked Brian up at five. They weren’t due at Deb’s until eight, but Brian wanted to go early. He didn’t want to throw Justin and Jenny into the boiling water. He figured gradual reintroduction would be better.  
Justin was silent on the ride to Deb’s. Brian laced his fingers through Justin’s in silent support. Justin gave Brian a warm smile. Not quite his “sunshine” smile, but it was a start.  
They pulled up to Deb’s. Justin noticed there were no other cars there.  
“Brian, are we early? It looks like no one else is here.”  
“Well, I figured we should get here before everyone else. That way you get to see everyone one at a time instead of a big production.”  
Justin was amazed at Brian’s consideration. It was so out of character for the Brian Kinney he had known ten years ago. He was starting to realize that this Brian was very different.

***

Brian walked in the front door. He never knocked going into Deb’s house. “Deb?”  
“Brian, honey is that you?”  
“Yeah.”  
“In the kitchen.”  
Brian led Justin into the kitchen. Deb had her back to them. “Deb, I brought you something. It’s really late, but here, nonetheless.”  
Deb wiped her hands on a towel, but before she could turn around, she heard a voice she hadn’t heard in ten years. “Hi, Deb.”  
She whirled around and stared in disbelief. “Sunshine?”  
Before Justin could say anything, he was engulfed in a warm hug. He could barely breathe. “Umm … Deb …”  
She released him and yelled, “Vic, get down here!”  
She hugged him again and Justin saw tears running down her face. Vic came into the kitchen wondering what the commotion was. He saw Debbie hugging Justin and was speechless. Debbie let Justin go and he turned to Vic. “Hi, Vic.”  
“Well, I’ll be goddammed. Look what the cat dragged in.” Vic hugged Justin tightly. For the first time since arriving in Pittsburgh, Justin felt like he was home.  
Justin noticed a young boy walking into the kitchen. He must have been about sixteen. He hung back from the commotion. Brian was the first to notice that he had entered.  
“Justin, this is Hunter. He lives here with Deb and Vic.”  
Justin smiled warmly at the kid. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”  
Hunter just nodded. He had only lived with Deb and Vic a few months. Over the years, Deb had taken in many strays and Hunter was the latest. She had found him hustling on Liberty Avenue one night. She immediately took him in, got him a job at the diner, and enrolled him in school. He was still a little uneasy around the family. He didn’t really feel accepted. Michael treated him with disdain because he had been a hustler. The rest just kind of ignored him. Debbie’s strays never stayed around very long, most just ran away, so they never got close to them.  
One by one, the rest of the gang arrived. Emmett and Ted were the first. Justin was surprised to hear they had been a couple for about eight years. Emmett hadn’t changed at all. He shrieked for joy when he saw Justin and immediately started crying. Ted had loosened up a lot since Justin had known him and warmly hugged Justin. So many questions were flying around, but Brian was successful at deflecting them. He knew there were a lot of questions that Justin wasn’t ready to answer. Michael and Ben were the last to arrive. Shocked would have been an understatement to describe Michael’s reaction to seeing Justin. He greeted Justin warmly, but the old animosity was still there under the surface. Michael’s boyfriend, Ben, was very nice and hot too. The shock of seeing Justin was doubled when everyone was introduced to Jenny. She was introduced as Justin and Daphne’s daughter and no further explanations were given.  
Dinner actually went very smoothly. Everyone had lots of questions about Justin’s life in New York. Justin kept the discussion centered around the present. He talked about the galleries and his art shows. He talked about Daphne being a third year resident in the ER at Mount Sinai Medical Center. Justin watched the family dynamics. So much had changed, yet so much hadn’t. He winced everytime Michael made a crack about Hunter hustling. On the surface, it seemed like harmless teasing. Joking that he probably made more from one blow job than he did in a week at the diner etc … Justin saw the expression on the boy’s face and knew what he was feeling. He hoped for the opportunity to talk to the boy.  
The opportunity came after dinner. Everyone was heading into the living room for coffee. Justin said that he and Hunter would do the dishes. Debbie started to protest but Justin silenced her.  
“When you cook, you don’t clean up. We’ll handle it. Come on, Hunter.”  
The boy followed Justin into the kitchen silently. The two stood at the sink while Justin started doing the dishes. He looked around to make sure they were alone.  
“Hunter,” the boy looked up at him, “don’t let any one treat you like you’re worthless.”  
The boy started to cop an attitude, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“I know what it’s like. Doing whatever you have to do to survive. Sometimes, we have to do things we never dreamed we would do. It’s called survival.”  
Hunter looked at Justin in shock and leaned over to him. “Did you hustle too?”  
“Yeah, in New York. So I know what it’s like. Needing to somehow get money for food and a place to stay, but it doesn’t make you worthless. A good friend of mine taught me that. Fuck what other people might think. Fuck what other people might say. Ok.”  
Hunter nodded and smiled at him. The two continued doing dishes. Neither noticed Michael standing in the doorway.

***

Brian was outside smoking. He was so relieved that dinner had gone well. It was very relaxed and everyone was content to hear stories about Justin’s life in New York that the questions were kept to a minimum. He didn’t hear Michael come outside.  
“Hey, Bri.”  
“Mikey.”  
“Can I ask you a question?” he said, innocently  
“What’s up?”  
“What’s up with Justin?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well he’s the trick that made you break all your rules. Then he steals from you and runs away. Fast forward ten years and he’s back. Obviously, with you. So I’ll ask again, what’s up?”  
Brian rubbed his hand to the back of his neck. “I don’t know. We’re just seeing what happens.”  
“Well, you might want to think about what you’re getting into.”  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”  
“I mean it seems he and the ‘littlest hustler’ have a lot in common.”  
What, “What?”  
“I mean they share a common profession.”  
Oh, god no. “What the fuck are you talking about? Justin owns two art galleries.”  
“Well, I’m sure they were comparing art galleries when Hunter asked Justin if he hustled too. And I’m sure they were talking about art galleries when Justin said he did.”  
Please, please no, not Justin, please god, please don’t let me have pushed him into that. Brian spoke menacingly, “Don’t you dare repeat this to anyone.”  
Michael recognized the look in Brian’s eyes. He was serious. Michael turned and walked in the house satisfied. That would squash Justin’s plans.   
Brian felt his world begin to crumble at his feet.

***

Brian and Justin were silent in the car on the way home. Once again, Jenny and Gus talked enough for everyone. Brian knew he had to ask Justin about what Michael had said, but he was terrified of the answer. Terrified to hear that it was true, terrified to find out the lengths Justin had been pushed to because Brian was such a coward.  
They got to the house and quickly put the kids to bed. The two men met again in the living room. Brian got a couple of beers from the fridge and handed one to Justin.  
“Thanks.” Brian just nodded and sat down. “That went really well. It was really great seeing everyone.”  
“Well, I know they were really glad to see you.” Brian’s voice held no emotion.  
“Bri, is everything alright?”  
“Yeah, just tired. You know I was thinking.”  
“Well, that can’t be a good thing.” Justin was starting to feel like himself again. Baiting Brian had always been fun.  
Brian rolled his eyes at him. “I was thinking on my next visit to New York, you could take me to the clubs you worked at.”  
“What?” Justin felt a sense of dread creep into his stomach.  
“I would just like to see where you worked. I mean they have to be pretty posh places to pay enough to live in the Big Apple.”  
He knows, but how could he? “Yeah, they paid pretty …”  
Brian continued as if Justin hadn’t even spoken. “I know the dancers at Babylon don’t make shit unless they put out, so these New York clubs must really pay a lot if all you had to do was dance.”  
How did he find out? Hunter? No, the kid wasn’t alone with Brian the entire evening. Justin replayed his conversation with Hunter in his head, and then remembered something. Michael … fuck. Justin’s defensive walls snapped back into place. “What do you want to know Brian? That I never danced in the clubs. I couldn’t. I was too young. What do you want to hear? That I pedaled my ass in Times Square? That I pedaled my ass in Battery Park? That I let old perverts suck my dick and fuck my ass for money? Isn’t that what this pathetic line of questioning is about?”  
“How could you be a …”  
“A whore? That’s the word you’re looking for, isn’t it? Someone who sells their body for money? Well fuck you, Brian, I did what I had to.”  
“You could have asked for help!” Brian’s temper was starting to rise.  
“From who? From my parents? I called them and they basically told me to fuck off!” Justin was practically screaming. “From you? By canceling your credit card, you basically told me to fuck off too. So you tell me, who should I have gone to?”  
“Justi …”  
“Besides, who are you to talk?” The bitterness, anger, and hurt that Justin had been burying for ten years was coming out in full force.  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”  
“You fuck a different guy every night, sometimes more than one. How is that any different? At least I made money, what did you ever get from it?”  
Brian’s face was frozen in a mask of steel. He looked ready to strike at any second. Justin held up his hand to stop him. “This was a mistake. I never should have come back here. I never should have seen you again. I’m going to get the next flight back to New York.”  
With that, Justin went upstairs. Brian grabbed a bottle of Jim Beam and stumbled into his office slamming the door.

***

Justin got him and Jenny on a red-eye flight to New York leaving in two hours. He quickly packed and then went to get Jenny up and packed. The little girl was very confused when Justin told her they were going home.  
“But daddy, I thought we were staying the whole week?”  
“Sweetie, we can’t. We need to get home.” Justin started to head downstairs but turned and went into Gus’ room. He gently kissed the young boy he had named all those years ago. “Goodbye, Gus.”  
He heard the taxi honk. He tried to hustle Jenny out the door.  
“Daddy, I have to say goodbye to Brian.”  
“Sweetie he’s working.” He had seen Brian storm into his office downstairs with a bottle of whiskey.  
“He’ll be sad if don’t say goodbye.” Not waiting for an answer, she opened the office door. Brian was sitting on the floor. Jenny leaped into his arms. “Brian, daddy says we have to go home, but I wanted to say goodbye.”  
Brian looked up and saw Justin in the doorway. He hugged Jenny, “Goodbye, Princess.”  
“Jenny, come on the taxi’s here.” Jenny pulled away from Brian and left the room. The two men’s gazes locked for a second. Justin didn’t recognize the look in Brian’s eyes, so he just turned away and walked out. Brian just sat there as his world shattered around him. After they were gone, and he was unable to sleep, he replayed the conversation they had had that first dinner at Justin’s place. Shit! He had told me and I had responded, and then I just ignored it, glad he had switched topics. I had heard but I didn’t want to accept it then. Why did I now?


	4. No Wonder

Brian stayed on the floor of his office for several hours after Justin and Jenny left. He was numb. He couldn’t feel anything. He just knew that his entire world had walked out the front door. Brian needed to process the last few hours. Justin had told him in New York that he had hustled a few times. Sure, Brian was upset, but could accept it if it had been only an occasional incident. Having Justin confirm that he had sold himself on a regular basis made Brian sick to his stomach. Not because he thought Justin a whore, but because it was his fault.  
Brian had to come to terms with the fact that his illusions about what happened to Justin were just that … illusions. Justin had never been reunited with his family. His beautiful, golden boy had been thrown to the wolves. Miraculously, he had not only survived but thrived. Brian knew that just proved Justin’s strength of character. He had never been beat. The way Justin stood up to him tonight was proof of that. Justin never lowered his eyes in shame, he took Brian head on. He fought back and refused to apologize or make excuses. Brian was devastated but proud at the same time.

***

Daphne woke up early and was surprised to find Justin sitting on the patio.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Gee Daph, I thought I lived here.”  
“Very funny. You and Jenny weren’t supposed to be back until Sunday.”  
“I took care of what I needed to in Pittsburgh. I went and visited my parents’ grave, saw the gang, came clean with Brian and came home.”  
“Justin, don’t bullshit me. What happened? I take it Brian reacted badly when you told him.”  
“I didn’t tell him Daph.”  
“But, I thought you said …”  
“Michael told him.”  
“How the fuck did Michael know?”  
Justin sighed and gestured for Daphne to sit down. She sensed this would be a long story. “Well, Brian and I arrived at Deb’s for dinner last night. Apparently, she’s taken in a kid she found living on the streets. His name’s Hunter. He’s had some tough breaks but he’s a good kid.”  
“What does that have to do with Michael telling Brian you were a hustler?”  
“Can I finish?”  
“Go ahead.”  
“Gee … thanks. Anyway, this kid used to be a hustler. That’s how Deb found him. He was hustling near the diner.”  
“Poor kid.”  
“Yeah. Apparently, Michael enjoys tormenting the kid about his less than stellar past. He was taking potshots at him all night. It pissed me off, so I talked to Hunter after dinner. Basically, I just told him not to let other people make him feel worthless. There’s nothing shameful in doing what you must in order to survive. We talked for a little longer. I realized later that Michael must have been eavesdropping.”  
“What happened?”  
Justin hesitated, “Brian was really quiet until we got back to his house. Then he started asking weird questions. He was all of a sudden really curious about where I had worked when I first got to New York, how I made enough money dancing etc. I knew right then that he had found out.”  
“He must have been really pissed if it sent you home.”  
“I don’t know. I just went on the offensive. Confirmed his suspicions, and told him he had no right to judge me.”  
“What did you mean by that?”  
“Look at his sexual activity. He fucks a different guy every night. The only difference between him and me was I made money for it.”  
“How did he react?”  
“He looked like he wanted to hit me. So I left.”  
“Wow,” Justin nodded, “I would have hit you?”  
“What??”  
“Well, Jesus Christ Justin, how could you say that to him? It sounds like he was just trying to understand what happened and you attacked him. What did you expect?”  
Justin couldn’t say anything. All he could do was wonder what he had done.

***

Brian could barely sleep that night. His mind kept running over the events of the previous night. He felt raw from Justin’s accusations. He knew the younger man was hurting and trying to protect himself, but Brian never expected Justin to attack him. For the first time, Brian realized he was going to have to face the past. There would be no future for him and Justin unless they could make peace with the last ten years.  
Brian heard a soft knock on his bedroom door, “Daddy.”  
“Come in, Sonny boy.”  
Gus came through the door and jumped onto Brian’s bed.  
“Where are Justin and Jenny? Their rooms are empty.”  
“Something came up and they had to go back to New York last night.”  
“Without saying goodbye?”  
Brian saw that Gus was hurting. Even though, Gus didn’t remember Justin from when he was a baby, he always knew about him. Brian would tell Gus stories about the young man who named him the night he was born. To Gus, Justin was always a member of the family who didn’t live in Pittsburgh. Seeing Justin again had been a dream come true for Gus. Brian hated that his son might be disappointed. He also knew how much Justin loved Gus, and believed that Justin would not have left the young boy without saying goodbye. “You were asleep when they had to leave, but he kissed you goodbye before he left.”  
Gus smiled at those words. “When are they coming back?”  
“I’m not sure, Sonny Boy. We’ll have to see.”  
“Ok, Daddy. Can we go to the diner for breakfast?”  
Brian groaned inwardly. Going to the diner meant facing Debbie and the gang, including Michael. However, Brian could never say no to his son.

***  
The diner was pretty busy for a Tuesday morning. Brian and Gus found Ted and Emmett in their “usual” booth.  
“Hey sweeties!” Emmett called out.  
“Auntie Em!!” Gus ran over to Emmett and was immediately enveloped into a warm hug.  
“Hey!” was all Brian had to say.  
Emmett looked around, “Where’s the blonde bombshell and his princess?”  
Gus spoke up first, “Justin and Jenny had to go back to New York, but they’ll be back.”  
Gus was so sure of this. Brian feared his son would be disappointed.  
Debbie was listening to the exchange between her boys and she knew that something had happened. She walked over to the table.  
“Brian, come take a walk with me.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Emmett and Ted can watch Gus, you come with me.”  
Brian recognized the look in Deb’s eyes and knew not to argue. He followed the red head outside. They started walking down Liberty Avenue. Brian thought if he kept silent everything would be ok.  
“So what happened?”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Last night I was under the impression that Sunshine was supposed to be here all week, and now he’s gone. So I ask again, what happened?”  
“Nothing Deb, he had to get back to New York. That’s all, nothing exciting. Drop it.”  
“I will not. You brought him back to us after ten years. He was home, happy, and loved … by you. Now you tell me why he’s gone?”  
Brian sunk down on a bench at a bus stop and held his head in his hands. Debbie sat next to him. “Kiddo, what’s going on?”  
Brian just sighed. He looked at the woman who had been more a mother to him than his own had been. “When Justin first got to New York, after I cancelled my credit card, and after his dad wouldn’t let him come home, he was on the streets. I don’t know all the details, but he lived by hustling.”  
Debbie gasped. She was not expecting this. “Oh, poor Sunshine.”  
“He glossed over it when I found him in New York. I guess, I didn’t really want to hear it. I preferred to think he spent the last ten years in the WASP fold of the Taylor family.”  
“Reality sucks.”  
Brian smirked at that statement. “Yeah, it does.”  
“So what happened when he finally told you?”  
“He didn’t, Michael did.”  
“What?”  
“Michael overheard Justin talking to Hunter and decided it was his duty to inform me of the illustrious career of my former boy toy.”  
“He never could accept you and Sunshine. So what did Justin say?”  
“He went on the offensive and came out swinging. By the time we were done, he left.”  
“There’s more to it than that, I know both of you.”  
“I was trying to ask him about what happened. He knew where I was going and just went crazy. He called himself a whore and how could I judge him. He threw my past sex life in my face and said the only difference between the two of us was that he made money doing it. I was shocked and couldn’t say anything. That’s when he decided to leave. He said he never should have come back, never should have seen me again, and walked out.”  
“Oh Brian …”  
“The thing is, I’m not upset about the hustling. I mean I’m upset, but only about the fact he found himself in a situation where that was his only option. It doesn’t change how I feel about him.”  
“How do you feel about him?”  
Brian didn’t hesitate, “I love him.”  
“Then go get him.”

***

Brian arranged for Gus to stay with Debbie and Vic while he went to New York. He wasn’t sure what course of action to take. Based on their last conversation, Brian knew Justin wouldn’t be very happy to see him. He knew there was only one person who could give him the answers he sought.  
Brian checked himself into the Plaza Hotel. Then he headed over to Mt. Sinai where Daphne worked. He went to the main information desk.  
“May I help you?”  
“Yes, I would like to speak with Dr. Chanders. Could you tell me where I may find her?”  
“One moment.” Brian heard Daphne paged over the intercom system. Within a few moments, Daphne appeared in the lobby.  
“Brian?”  
“Hi Daph.”  
“What are you doing here?”  
“I was hoping to speak to you.”  
Daphne looked at her watch. “My shift is done in an hour. There’s a coffee shop around the corner. I’ll meet you there.”

***

Eight years earlier

Daphne arrived in New York two weeks ahead of schedule. She knew Justin was hiding something, although she didn’t know what it was. Every time she made plans to visit, Justin would come up with some reason why she couldn’t. He told her stories about the clubs he was working in. According to Justin, life in New York was great. She never believed a word he said. She and Justin had been friends since pre-school. Every success he had he shared with her.  
The fact he wouldn’t share his New York life with her spoke volumes. When Daphne arrived in New York, she was ready for some answers. She went to the address Justin had given her and waited for him. She saw him walk out of a building with a good looking young man. For a moment Daphne thought that Justin had a new boyfriend. Then she saw them take place on the street corner. Within ten minutes she saw Justin pick up a guy in a Jaguar and drive away. Daphne felt sick to her stomach. She just watched her best friend pick up a trick on a street corner and drive away.  
She waited for two hours until Justin returned. Once again, he stationed himself on the street corner. Immediately, she approached him.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?”  
“Well, I live here now, and I thought I would seek out your sorry lying ass. And what do I find? You, peddling said ass on the street. What the fuck is going on?”  
Justin’s shoulders slumped. Daphne immediately felt bad for speaking so harshly, but she knew there was no other way to get through to Justin.  
“Justin, talk to me.”  
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Daph, there’s nothing to say.”  
“No, Justin there is a lot to say. You’re coming with me.”  
“Excuse me.”  
“Look, my parents rented me an apartment. You can live with me. Get off the streets, get a job, and make something of yourself.”  
“Look Daphne, this is my life now. There’s nothing else for me to do.”  
“That’s where you’re wrong. You still have so much ahead of you. Please don’t throw it away.” Daphne had tears in her eyes. It was those tears that Justin finally reacted to.

***

 

Brian was waiting in the coffee shop when Daphne arrived. She sat down across from him. For a few moments the two spoke no words.  
“I have to say I’m surprised you agreed to see me.”  
“Why?”  
“Well, I’m guessing you heard the outcome of Justin’s trip to Pittsburgh. I can’t imagine that I’m one of your favorite people right now.”  
“Well, I think both of you are idiots. When Justin told me about your conversation, I wanted to smack him. I think you should have hit him.”  
“What?”  
“He said some pretty nasty things to you. If it was me, I would have hit him. I guess you’re a bigger person than I am.”  
“I’m sure I deserved it.”  
“I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. Why did you want to talk to me?”  
“I need to know what happened. I can’t imagine Justin would be very forthcoming right now. You’re my best bet.”  
Daphne looked deep into the hazel eyes across from her. “I can only tell you what I know.”  
“It’s a start.”  
“I was in touch with Justin right after he left. He contacted me after you cancelled your credit card and his dad wouldn’t let him come home. We talked by phone and e-mail, but he balked every time I wanted to come and see him. He kept telling me stories about how great his life was here. He was supporting himself, had a great place to live, and was living a great life. I didn’t believe it for a second.”  
“Why not?”  
“Justin loves to show off. If things were as great as he was saying, he would have wanted me to visit in a heartbeat. Yet, he always brushed me off. I finally decided to go to school at Columbia. I figured I could keep an eye on him that way. I had my parents rent me an apartment. I decided that I would move Justin in with me and get him away from whatever it was he had gotten himself into. I found him hustling on the streets with James.”  
“James, his partner?”  
“Before James was his partner in the gallery, he was helping Justin cope with life on the streets. I believe James was the one who kept him safe until I got here. James kept a lot from me too. I used to try and push, but it never got me anywhere. He’s the only one who can give you the rest of the story.”  
Brian nodded. He knew that Justin was the only one to give him the answers he needed.

***  
Brian made his way to the brownstone Justin and Daphne shared. He stood outside for several minutes. For the first time in his life he was terrified. He wanted to make things right with Justin. He wanted the blonde artist back in his life. What if Justin had moved on? What if Justin didn’t want him anymore? So many what ifs. Brian decided to face his fears. He raised his hand and knocked on the door. Within a few seconds the door opened and Brian was faced with the blue eyes that had haunted his dreams for ten years.


	5. No Wonder

Justin stared at Brian, not believing the man was standing on his doorstep. He didn’t know what to think. After their last conversation, Justin didn’t think he would ever see Brian again. The man standing before him looked like Brian, but he was different somehow. He looked vulnerable … scared.  
“Umm … can I come in?”  
Justin was jolted out of his thoughts, “Sure.”  
He led the older man into the brownstone. Neither one knew where to start or what to say. Leading Brian into the living room, Justin gestured for Brian to sit down. The older man complied, but wouldn’t look Justin in the eyes. Justin feared he was in for another verbal assault from Brian.  
“Would you like something to drink?”  
“Sure, some water.”  
Justin nodded and went to the kitchen. On his return he handed Brian a bottle of water.  
“Bri, before you say anything, there’s something I want to say.”  
“Justin …”  
“No, please, I need to say this. I am sorry for the things I said to you. Comparing your sex life to what I did was inexcusable. You enjoying sex with men is nothing compared to being a whore and it was wrong of me to do that. There’s nothing I can say to excuse it, but I was just lashing out. I was so surprised to have you learn the truth from someone else that I didn’t think. I just reacted. It was wrong and I am sorry.”  
Brian only nodded. Justin had no idea what to make of that so he remained silent. It was several minutes before Brian finally spoke. “Justin, there are a lot of things I need to say. Please don’t interrupt me until I’m finished.”  
Brian’s eyes pleaded to Justin for understanding. “First of all, I don’t think of you as a whore. I never did. I was shocked. You see, whenever I would think about you over the last ten years, I believed that you had made nice with your parents. I had this illusion that you went to college and continued living the privileged life you had before you ever came down to Liberty Avenue. That was my illusion. As long as I had that I could bury the guilt that I felt. If I believed you were ok, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about cutting you loose. I wouldn’t have to feel guilty that bad things might have happened to you. You gave me a glimpse into your life the last time I was here, but I was able to brush it aside because you just glossed over the ‘unsavory’ aspects of the past. Having Michael confirm what I feared sent me for a loop. I never wanted you to be exposed to the life you ended up living. However, my stubbornness forced you into that life. You would have been better off if you had never met me.”

Justin decided it was time to speak. “No Brian, I would not have been better off if I hadn’t met you. I fell in love with you the first night I met you. I know you don’t believe in love, but I do. Those few months we had together sustained me for ten years. Even though it was brief, I had a great love affair. No one will ever be able to take that away from me. As far as me ending up on the streets and hustling … you didn’t make me do that. I could have gone back home. It would have been really easy to suck it up and deny myself to my father for a few years. But you taught me something the day you took me to my parents and they gave me their rules. You said that wasn’t love, it was hate. You were right. If they loved me like they should have, they would accept me as I was. As I am…But they didn’t … they couldn’t. Am I proud of the fact that I had to hustle to make money? No. Am I ashamed? No. You taught me to be true to myself. That’s what I did. Did I have some rough times? Sure, but they’re my experiences. It’s my past and it’s my reality. It’s not for you to blame yourself. It’s not for you to shoulder. It’s mine and mine alone. You don’t have that kind of power. I made my own choices. Choices that I have had to live with and I have. I’ve made a pretty good life for myself, a life that I can be proud of. I have a daughter who I love more than life itself. I have a career that I am very proud of. I see you sitting here, buried by your guilt. Do you need my forgiveness? You shouldn’t, but if you need it, you have it. I’m sorry if you’ve been living with this guilt for the last ten years. I honestly thought you would have never given me a second thought, but I know now that you have. I am so sorry you’ve had to live with this. I wish I had known. Maybe I could have spared you some of that. I don’t know. But let me tell you this Brian Kinney … I have no room in my life for dwelling in the past. I will not waste time tormenting myself about things I can’t change, trying to recapture years that are gone forever. I don’t know what you need, but taking trips down memory lane to reconcile a past that can’t be changed is not a part of my plan.”  
Brian had not taken his eyes off Justin during his entire monologue. “So where do we go from here?”  
“I don’t know. Forward? Do you even want to? If you need to reconcile the past, I can’t help you. I won’t do it. I’ll move forward with you if that’s what you want. However, if you want to relive the past, you’ll have to do it alone.”  
Brian didn’t know what to say. Having Justin absolve him of the past was something he wasn’t expecting. He expected the younger man to rage on about what a selfish prick he had been. He expected to be attacked about everything. To have Justin remove that responsibility from his shoulders humbled him.   
“Justin, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could just wipe away the guilt and move on, but I don’t know if I can. I know I always told you no excuses, no apologies and no regrets, but I have plenty of them. No matter what you say, you cannot deny that your life would have been very different if I had not come along. You are the first person whose life I affected by my own stubborn, cowardly actions. That’s why I never got involved with anyone. I wanted no responsibility for anyone but myself. Then you came along and all my rules went to shit. Then you were gone and I thought my life could go back the way it was. The problem was I had changed. You had changed me. Suddenly, the life I had before didn’t satisfy me. I didn’t want it anymore. Then Melanie and Lindsey died and I was forced to grow up and be a father to Gus. Luckily, the short time I had spent with you helped to prepare me for being a father. You challenged me and I remembered all the things you taught me. Remarkably, I think I’m doing okay as a father.”  
“I think you’re doing better than okay. Gus adores you. He is a well loved, well adjusted little boy. He couldn’t have gotten there by himself.”  
“Thanks, I have had a lot of help.” Justin’s praise meant the world to him. “As far as moving forward, I can try. I can’t promise that I can forget the guilt completely, but I can try. I want to try.”  
Reaching out his hand and Justin led Brian upstairs.

***  
Their kisses were tentative at first. They hadn’t had a taste of each other in ten years. Both men wanted to savor the moment. It was like they were afraid the other one would disappear. They were afraid this would be the only moment they would have, and they didn’t want to rush it.  
Brian brushed Justin’s hair away from his face. It was longer than he remembered and it felt like golden silk. He began to lightly kiss the blue eyes that had haunted his dreams. He slowly rained kisses down the porcelain skin until he reached Justin’s full lips. He had memorized every aspect of Justin’s lips when they had been together. Brian had kissed thousands of men, but he remembered none of them save one. He gently offered his tongue between the full plump lips and found it welcomed inside. Justin began to suckle his tongue. Brian found the motions extremely erotic. He used his tongue to explore every nuance of Justin’s mouth.  
Snaking his arms around Brian’s waist Justin pulled Brian closer. He could feel Brian’s erection straining against his jeans. The tip lightly touched his own. Sliding his hands from Justin’s face, Brian slowly began to unbutton the white oxford Justin was wearing. Their lips never leaving each other, Brian finished unbuttoning the shirt and slowly slid it from Justin’s shoulders. He moved his hands over the artist’s soft skin. His hands lightly caressed Justin’s chest and found the gold nipple ring that had been there so many years ago. Brian gently pulled away from Justin’s lips. He looked down at Justin’s chest and leaned to lightly lick his nipples. He gently suckling the soft bud until it hardened, he grazed the hardened bud with his teeth until Justin gasped. Justin lifted Brian’s face to look at him. He wasn’t sure what he saw in the other man’s eyes, but it looked like love.  
Never breaking eye contact, Justin began to unbutton Brian’s jeans. He slid the pants down Brian’s slim hips and his cock sprung free, grateful to be released from its denim trap. Justin looked down at Brian’s cock like it was an old friend. No matter how many cocks he had sucked in the last ten years, no one compared to Brian. Justin fell to his knees and Brian’s erection was at eye level. Brian’s hands ran through the golden silk gently pulling Justin’s head towards his straining erection. Justin saw the pre-cum bubbling from the tip. His tongue licked at the tip and Brian groaned.  
Justin’s lips encircled the head of Brian’s dick. He sucked and sipped at the tip and felt Brian tug at his hair. He slid his lips further down Brian’s shaft until Brian’s cock hit the back of his throat. At that second, Brian’s primal urge took over and he began to thrust into Justin’s throat. Justin’s sucking matched Brian’s thrust and the older man wasn’t able to hold on very long. Soon he was cumming and shooting down the blonde’s throat. Justin swallowed every drop. When he rose back up to kiss Brian, he could taste himself on his lover’s lips.  
Brian pushed Justin back onto the bed and began to remove the blonde’s pants. Justin’s rock hard erection stood between them. Brian began to move down and return the pleasure Justin had just given him. Justin’s hands stopped Brian’s descent.  
“No.”  
“No?”  
“I want to cum with you inside me. Please Brian, it’s been so long.”  
Brian looked into the blue eyes of his lover. Pressing a condom and a tube of lube into Brian’s hands, his need was so strong. He wanted, no, craved to feel Brian inside him. No matter how many tricks he had done, he never let anyone inside of him. That was reserved for Brian and Brian alone.  
Brian saw the determination in Justin’s eyes. He quickly sheathed his dick and raised Justin’s legs onto his shoulders. He gently lubed Justin’s tight hole. The artist gasped from the cold gel.  
“It’ll heat up.” Both men smiled at the words, originally spoken so long ago.  
“Just go slow … it’s been a long time.”  
Those words broke through Brian’s sensual haze. He was afraid of the answer, but he asked the question anyway. “How long?”  
“Ten years.”  
Brian felt tears well up in his eyes. Justin had waited for him. He had kept something sacred for just the two of them. His voice could form no words, all he could do was nod. He positioned his dick at Justin’s lubed hole and gently pressed inside. He pushed through the second ring of muscle and felt his cock graze Justin’s prostate. The artist gasped from the pain. Brian embedded himself fully and then waited while Justin adjusted to the intrusion. When he felt the blonde relax, he slowly withdrew and then gently slid back inside. Each withdrawal was quicker than the one before. Soon Brian was thrusting in and out of Justin with reckless abandon. The younger man met each of his thrusts beat for beat. They were quickly back into their old rhythm. It was familiar yet different at the same time. Both men spasmed and came at the same time.  
Brian screamed, “I love you!”  
Justin had no words and could only moan. Brian collapsed his full weight onto his lover, remaining embedded inside Justin for a few minutes. His entire body weight was lying on the smaller man. As soon as Brian could think clearly, he rolled off of Justin.  
“Brian … no.”  
“Baby, I’m too heavy for you.”  
“No, you’re perfect.”  
Brian rolled onto his side and gazed at his lover. He didn’t think it was possible, but Justin looked more beautiful than he ever had before. Brian quickly disposed of the used condom and gathered Justin into his arms. For the first time in ten years, his sleep was not plagued by nightmares. It was peaceful … it was perfect.

***

Brian awoke the next morning and began to worry that the night before had been a dream. Realizing the blonde wrapped around him was not a figment of his imagination, he relaxed. Justin was still sound asleep. Brian took advantage of the situation and stared at his lover. Justin was as beautiful as he had been ten years ago. All the ugliness and realities of life that he had faced had not tarnished him at all. Brian knew that Justin had been affected by the harsh realities of life, but he had somehow retained his youthful innocence.  
Justin began to stir and stretch. His eyes opened and he found Brian staring down at him.  
“Good morning Sunshine.”  
“Mmmm, morning.” Justin gave his lover a sleepy smile. Brian leaned down and stole a kiss.  
“We’d better get up before Hurricane Jenny finds us.” Quickly getting out of bed, Justin pulled on some sweats. Brian reluctantly followed his lover. He knew they had a lot to discuss, but he was willing to wait.  
The two men headed downstairs and found Jenny and Daphne having breakfast. Daphne flashed the men a knowing smile. She placed two cups of coffee in front of the two lovers. Jenny started talking a mile a minute. She was happy to see Brian and hugged him tightly having Justin’s exuberance. Daphne announced that she and Jenny were going to visit her parents upstate for the weekend. Knowing this was her way of giving him and Brian some alone time, he gave her a grateful smile.  
Brian felt like he was on the outside of a family. Justin, Daphne and Jenny were truly a family. Suddenly, he felt like an intruder. His plan had been to convince Justin and Jenny to move to Pittsburgh, but now he knew that wasn’t an option.  
Justin felt Brian’s silent retreat. He chose to ignore it until Daph and Jenny were gone. Within two hours, the girls were packed and on their way. Brian and Justin settled in the living room. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.  
“Brian?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I love you.”  
Brian looked at him, “I know. Me too.”  
Justin beamed. That was the closest Brian Kinney had ever come to expressing his feelings outside of the bedroom. “I can’t go back. I can’t leave New York.”  
“I know.”  
“So what are we going to do?”  
Brian looked at Justin, “I don’t know.”


	6. No Wonder

Justin and Brian spent the next couple of days just enjoying New York. They silently promised to not discuss the future just yet. There were too many complications that neither man was ready to deal with. Justin knew he couldn’t leave New York. Too many commitments and obligations would keep him there. Justin knew that Brian had strong ties to Pittsburgh and he wouldn’t ask the older man to dismiss those either. They seemed to be at a détente, so they didn’t speak of it.

Justin took Brian to all his favorite places in New York. An entire day was spent exploring the museums. They visited MOMA, the Met, and the Guggenheim. Justin led Brian through the halls and rooms that were like home to him. Sharing favorite artists and pieces with Brian allowed Justin to reveal his soul to the older man. Justin was a little nervous to bring Brian here. Ten years before Brian had never shown any interest in the things that inspired Justin. Here in New York, things were different. Brian was very attentive to everything Justin showed him.

Their last afternoon together was spent in Central Park. They shopped at FAO Schwartz to buy toys for the kids. Brian insisted on having tea at the Plaza hotel and Justin confided he’s always loved the Plaza because of Kay Thompson’s Eloise stories. Brian confessed he loved those books too and the lovers determined they had finally found a common OGT (obviously gay trait), except for fucking men.

Strolling through the park, hand in hand held off the fear of the future. Neither man wanted to broach the subject, but time was running out. They returned to Justin and Daphne’s home just before dusk. Daphne and Jenny were still upstate visiting her parents, so the two men had the opportunity to talk uninterrupted.

“I have to go back tomorrow.”

“I know.”

Looking into Justin’s blue eyes, Brian was unsure how to continue. “I don’t know where we stand or where we are going to go. I don’t have a crystal ball to tell us our future. However, before we move forward, there are some things I need to tell you.”

Justin sat back, unsure about what he was going to hear. Brian was never one to reveal his feelings. The only thing Justin remembered was Brian lashing out in anger. He decided to hear Brian out.

“You know how I felt after our first time. I had no intention of getting involved with you.”

“I know. You believed in fucking. It was honest. You get the maximum amount of pleasure with no bullshit.”

“I see you learned well. The thing is, I felt something different with you, right from the beginning. You wouldn’t go away. You challenged me. You forced me to think about things that I wouldn’t have before.”

“What kind of things?”

Hesitating before he spoke, “I cared about you. I worried about you. I had never done that before. Usually after I fucked a guy, I never thought about him again. That first day, after I outed you to your school, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I felt bad about that morning.”

“Yeah … well … I asked for it. You didn’t have to drive me to school.”

Looking at his lover, Brian continued, “I could have handled it better. I knew that I was your first and I acted like an arrogant asshole when I dropped you off at school. I didn’t have to behave the way I did.”

Justin looked lovingly into the eyes of his lover. “Yes, you did … because that was you. It’s why I fell in love with you. I had no illusions about you, Brian. I just loved you … good … bad … ugly …”

“Never ugly.” Brian gave Justin a weary smirk.

Justin smacked his lover on his arm, “you know what I mean.”

“We’re digressing right now. I need to get this out. So can you not interrupt me?”

“Ok.”

“I felt something for you. I got used to having you around. I enjoyed the time we spent together. I acted like an asshole when your mom brought me your stuff, but secretly, I was excited to have you live with me.”

Cocking an incredulous eyebrow, “really, you sure didn’t show it. I seem to remember watching a certain southern gentleman give you a blow job right in front of me.”

Having the decency to look chagrinned, Brian pulled his lips into his mouth and looked down. “I’m sorry, Brian. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you’re right. I did treat you like shit when you lived with me. It was only because I was scared.”

“Scared? What were you scared of?”

“You. You wanted me and I couldn’t figure out why. Other people wanted my body, my money, but I could never figure out why you wanted me. My parents never wanted me. My friends and so called family only wanted what I could do for them. You never did. That scared me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I had spent twenty nine years being told I was worthless by my parents, until I had money, then my old man wanted me. My friends loved to remind me what a selfish prick I was, but I sure was fun to party with. So along comes a beautiful seventeen year old twink, from a good family, and he wants me. All I could think about were the ulterior motives you must have. Do you want to know why I never did love or boyfriends? Because, if I never let anyone get too close then they couldn’t hurt me. You were slipping dangerously under the wire. I enjoyed fucking you, but I also enjoyed talking with you and spending time with you. That was new for me and I freaked out. No one just loved me for me. No one just loved me, needed me, yes, but to actually love me. No one, until you. Now you must see why it freaked me out. When you ran away, I was terrified. Yes, terrified. Terrified that I’d lost you and terrified that something would happen to you. I was going to come after you, but then the ‘queer patrol’ caught up with me and laid into me big time. Their anger and assumptions allowed me to slip back into ‘uncaring asshole mode.’ I had to save face, not show my vulnerablility. I let you go and have regretted it ever since. My fear stopped me from ever trying to find out what happened to you. I was afraid that if I did, you would hate me for abandoning you. I wanted to remember you loving me and if I kept you locked up in my memories, you would always be that boy who adored me, not a man who hated me.”

“I never hated you, Brian. I was hurt. I won’t lie about that, but I never hated you.”

Seeing the truth in Justin’s eyes gave Brian the courage to continue. “After I lost you, I began to change. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. I stopped tricking, doing drugs, and drinking to cover my pain. I learned how to feel. I learned how to love. It was because of you that I could be a father to Gus. Melanie and Lindsey even noticed the change. Mel hated to admit it, but she and I eventually became friends. Well … as close to friends as the two of us could be. When they died, I cried for her as much as I cried for Lindsey. The Liberty Avenue gang never accepted that I changed until I got custody of Gus. They were shocked that I accepted the terms of Melanie and Lindsey’s will so easily. I think they were all expecting that I would want to pawn Gus off on Lindsey’s parents or something. The only one who didn’t accept it was Michael, but that’s not surprising. As long as I was a selfish unfeeling asshole, Michael could hold out that I would eventually be his. He could never accept that I gave my heart away years before. I’m pretty sure that’s why he behaved the way he did that night at Debbie’s.”

“I figured as much. I had Michael’s number from that first night. If I was in his shoes, I can understand why he was so anxious to tell you about my less than glorious past. I just wish I had been the one to tell you. Although, it’s probably a good thing that he did because I was seriously thinking about keeping it a secret. I thought we could move forward without you knowing, but now I understand that we can’t. We have to acknowledge the past, if we are going to have any kind of future.”

“Do we have a future?”

“We do, if we want one. We can just go our own separate ways and live our own lives. We’ve been doing it for ten years. Or else, we can move forward together. What do you want to do?”

“It’s complicated, Sunshine.”

“I know. You have a life in Pittsburgh, I have one here. We both have children to consider. I also have Daphne to consider. She is Jenny’s mother, legally, emotionally, and everything in between. She would step aside if I asked her. In fact, she’s already offered, but I won’t do that to her. She’s been there for me and for Jenny all along and she is a factor in whatever we decide. That’s the problem with growing up, life becomes more complicated.”

Brian nodded his agreement. “I need to go back to Pittsburgh tomorrow. I don’t have any answers or solutions to offer you right now, Justin.”

“I know. This is where we take it one day at a time and be thankful we live in the same time zone.”

Laughing at that remark, Brian could only respond with his tongue-in-cheek smirk. Justin leaned forward and kissed him, “We’ll figure it out. I know we will.”

***

As soon as he got back to Pittsburgh, Brian headed over to Debbie’s. He had left Gus with her and he wanted to talk to his “mother.” Deb was home alone when he got to the house. She informed him that Gus was spending the night at his best friend, Steve’s house. Brian was grateful for the privacy. Although Debbie laid into him pretty quick.

“So Mr. Wonderful, what the fuck is going on?”

“Geez, Debbie, I just came to pick up my kid.”

“No, you didn’t. Brian, I have known you for twenty five years, so don’t bullshit me. You can start by explaining why Sunshine’s trip was cut short. I distinctly remember the two of you mentioning that he would be here for a week, and he was gone within three days.”

Hesitating before speaking, “Something came up in New York.”

Debbie didn’t believe it for a second. “Bullshit! The truth, please.”

Brian knew that he could never lie to Debbie. “I’m going to tell you some things, but they need to stay between us.” Looking at Debbie for acceptance, Brian continued, “Justin stayed in New York after he ran away. His parents, well, his dad, wouldn’t let him come home. His dad still didn’t want anything to do with him because he was gay. He figured I didn’t care, so he stayed. Unfortunately, life isn’t always kind. He lived on the streets for almost two years … hustling.” Debbie gasped at this admission, but wisely held her tongue. “Anything you have to say to me couldn’t compare to the things I’ve already said to myself. That is something he and I need to get through. We’re working on it. The problem is where we go from here. His life is in New York. His business is there. Daphne works there.”

“What does Daphne have to do with it?”

“Jenny, Justin’s daughter … Daphne is her mother.”

Debbie was shocked at this admission, “I don’t understand.”

“Jenny was born to Justin’s sister Molly. She died right after giving birth. Justin and Daphne adopted her. They are a family, and they live in New York.”

“That doesn’t explain why Sunshine had to leave early.”

Taking a deep breath and then letting out a long sigh, he continued, “Justin talked to Hunter the night we were here. He took offense at the pot shots that Michael was taking at Hunter. He decided to share their common experiences with the kid telling him to not allow other’s opinions to put him down. He was telling him not to be ashamed of what he had to do to survive. Michael overheard them and couldn’t wait to tell me about Justin’s exploits. I was still dealing with what I knew and what I thought about Justin’s past. You’ve known me long enough to realize I didn’t handle that conversation very well.” Debbie just snorted. “We’ve worked that out … sort of … we’re still working on it.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I can’t insist Justin leave New York, but my life is here. We’re stuck.”

Debbie looked at the man she loved like a son, “I’m not going to touch the Michael thing with a ten foot pole. I think we both know what’s going on there. However, didn’t you tell me most of Liberty Comic’s new business was coming from your dealings in New York? In fact, I believe you told me that New York was going to be the future for your business.”

“What are you getting at Deb?”

“You could go to New York. Michael can handle the Pittsburgh interests and you could develop New York. The question is, are you too much of a coward to do it?”


	7. No Wonder

For the next couple of days, Brian replayed his conversation with Debbie in his mind. Are you too much of a coward to do it? The problem was he didn’t know. Loving Justin was not the problem, of that he was sure. It was the fear that held him back. Fear that he couldn’t sustain a relationship. Fear that he would hurt Justin again. There was also Gus, Jenny, and Daphne to consider. If he took some sort of plunge with Justin, he would be dumped right in the middle of an existing family. Justin, Daphne, and Jenny had been a family since the day Jenny was born. Brian didn’t know if he could or should intrude on that. Could he handle such a big change? Sure he was raising Gus, but they were more like two bachelors living it up. Well … not exactly, but their arrangement wasn’t a traditional family unit.  
Gus was another consideration. Uprooting his son wasn’t a really good idea. The only family Gus had ever known was here. How could he take his son away from that? There really seemed to be no solution. Brian decided to mull it over a little longer, but deep down his mind was already made up. There was no way for him and Justin to be together.

***

Sitting in the kitchen drinking his morning coffee, Justin was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Daphne come up behind him.  
“Good morning!”  
Justin was so startled, he spilled his coffee. “Christ, Daph, you scared the shit out of me!”  
“I didn’t realize I needed to be so careful in my own house.”  
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”  
“About Brian?”  
“Yeah. I don’t think it’s going to work out.”  
“Why not, I thought you were getting things cleared up.”  
“Yes and no.”  
“That’s an answer.”  
“Location, location, location. Neither one of us is in any position to relocate. That makes it a little bit hard on a relationship.”  
“Doesn’t Brian have business here? I mean, I thought he was in town on business when he found you.”  
“Yeah, he does some of his business here, but his life is in Pittsburgh. His family is there, it’s Gus’ home.” Pausing, he chuckles softly.  
“What is so funny?”  
“I’m just remembering something my mom once told me. She said she had to consider the needs of her entire family and not just my desires. I remember feeling so betrayed by her when she told me that, but now, I finally understand it. I need to think of you and Jenny, not just what I want and Brian has Gus to consider.”  
“Justin, I already told you …”  
“Daphne, don’t. I appreciate that you would be willing to step aside in order for Brian and I to be together, but it’s not going to happen. We are a family. You’re the mom, I’m the dad, and we have a bratty seven year old.”  
A voice screamed from upstairs, “I heard that, Daddy.”  
The two parents laughed. Jenny was definitely their daughter.  
***  
Several days later, Brian was reading the paper when Gus came into the living room.  
“Hey, Sonny-boy!”  
“Hi, Dad. When are Justin and Jenny coming back?”  
The question surprised Brian. He wasn’t expecting Gus to cling to Justin so quickly. “I don’t know Gus. It’s hard to travel back and forth between New York and Pittsburgh.”  
“Why can’t Justin and Jenny live here?”  
“Because Justin, Jenny, and Jenny’s mom live in New York. That’s where they work and where Jenny goes to school. Like I work here and you go to school here.”  
“Can we move to New York?”  
“Gus, would you really want to leave everyone here? This is your home. Our family is here.”  
“Dad, it’s not like we would never see them. New York is not that far away from Pittsburgh.”  
“Gus, it’s not that easy. You don’t just pick up and move on a whim, no matter how much you might want to.”  
“So are we just never gonna see them again?” Tears were welling up in the younger hazel eyes.  
Brian rolled his eyes. His son was almost as big of a drama princess as Justin. “Of course, we’re going to see them again but we’re just not going to be together as a family.”   
The tears were still in Gus’s eyes, but he nodded his understanding.

***

The next few weeks were extremely awkward. The two men spoke almost daily on the phone, but their conversations were superficial. No mention was made about their relationship or their future. Their jobs and their kids usually dominated the phone calls. Both men were content to hide what they were feeling. It was easier to not say anything than to risk exposing too much.  
One night after finishing his phone call with Brian, Justin came to a decision. He couldn’t take it anymore. His heart ached every time he spoke to Brian. Sometimes he found himself wanting to pack everyone up and go back to Pittsburgh. Knowing that was not an option, Justin decided it had to end.  
Daphne walked in from her overnight shift at the hospital and found Justin at the dining room table. Tears streaked his cheeks and he looked like he hadn’t slept.   
“What the hell happened to you?”  
Looking up with unshed tears in his eyes, “I have to end it with Brian.”  
“What the fuck are you talking about?”  
“Daph, I can’t do it like this. Every time I talk to him, it breaks my heart. We have this half relationship. I can’t do it, it’s too hard.”  
“You are such a coward. You sacrificed everything for Brian when you were seventeen. You lived a life of hell, made yourself into a man that you can be proud of and now that you have the man you love back in your life, you’re going to throw it away because things aren’t going your way. That is fucked up!”  
Daphne was met with blue eyes shooting sparks, “First of all, I never expected to have Brian back in my life. I made my choices and I lived with them. But now, it’s like a tease. He’s so close, but I can’t reach him. I’m a man now, not some seventeen year old with a crush. I have a family to consider.”  
“Don’t make me your scapegoat. I refuse to be your excuse for not taking a chance.”  
“What should I do, Daph? Close up the galleries, pack up Jenny, and go back to Pittsburgh. I hate that place. I lost my parents and my sister there. I had my heart broken there. How could you possibly think I would even consider going back?”  
“Have you even talked to Brian about it?”  
“No, we avoid the topic because we both know it’s impossible.”  
“It’s only impossible if you make it impossible.”  
“Well, Miss Know-it-all, you tell me what to do.”  
Daphne just glared at her best friend, but she knew what she had to do. Knowing that relocation would be hardest on Justin, she decided to pay Brian Kinney a visit.

***

Pulling her rental car up to Brian’s house, Daphne took a chance that he would be home on a Saturday. Seeing a car in the driveway, Daphne assumed Brian was home. Knocking sharply, Daphne was quickly standing face to face with Brian.  
“Daphne? What are you doing here? Is everything ok?”  
“I really don’t want to talk to you on the porch. Can I come in?”  
Annoyed at how pushy the young woman could be, Brian just gestured her into the house. Once inside the living room, Brian started questioning Daphne again.”  
“What are you doing here?”  
Ignoring his question, Daphne started looking around the house, “This is a really great place.”  
Pushing his tongue into his cheek and suppressing his temper, he questioned the young woman again, “Spill it, Daphne.”  
Staring the older man in the eyes, Daphne lit into him, “Do you realize how close you are to losing him?”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“I came home from work yesterday morning and found Justin in the dining room. He had been up all night and was crying. He told me he was going to end it.”  
“What the fuck?”  
“He can’t handle this long distance, half relationship you two seem to be in the middle of. It’s breaking his heart Brian.”  
“Do you think it’s easy for me, either?”  
“I don’t know. Brian, you tell me.”  
“It’s killing me too. However, neither one of us is in any position to do anything about it.”  
“That’s bullshit and you know it. There’s a lot of reasons Justin can’t come back to Pittsburgh. There’s a lot of history here that would make his life hell, and he would be throwing away all the success he has had.”  
“So I am supposed to uproot my life?”  
“He has valid reasons for not coming back here. You have no valid reasons to go to New York except your own fear.”  
“You have no idea what you are talking about.”  
“I know for a fact that your last three clients came out of New York. I can’t imagine that Pittsburgh has a wealth of authors and artists to really fuel your company. You’ve exhausted Pittsburgh. Isn’t that why you came to New York in the first place?”  
All Brian could do was glare at her, so Daphne continued. “You could be an amazing success in New York. I know your biological family is not a factor. Your Liberty Avenue family would support you unconditionally.”  
“I can’t uproot my son. This is the only home Gus has ever known.”  
“Gus wants to come to New York.”  
“Excuse me. How the fuck would you know that?”  
“He told Jenny.”  
“Jenny?”  
“Yeah, they talk all the time. Haven’t you noticed your phone bills?” Brian just shrugged. “So the only thing is you. Do you love him?”  
For a moment, Brian didn’t answer. Daphne just stared at him. “Yes, I do.”  
“But you’re scared?”  
“Fuck you, Daphne. You don’t know the half of it.”  
“You are so fucking scared. Scared to commit to someone, scared to try. Well that’s fine, Brian. But if you don’t do something, you’re going to lose him.”  
Daphne stood up, and walked out the front door. All Brian could do was watch her leave. Slumping down onto the couch, all Brian could do was think.

***

Justin and Daphne were hanging out at the house on a Saturday afternoon. Daphne never told Justin about her trip to Pittsburgh. Knowing her best friend would be very angry with her, she wisely kept her mouth shut. There had been no contact between Brian and Justin in weeks. Justin just stopped the phone calls and there was no reaction from Pittsburgh. Wondering if Brian had given up, Daphne began to worry.  
“Have you talked to Brian lately?”  
“Daph, I told you I was ending things.”  
“Just like that? You just cut him off? How could you do that? That’s not fair to him.”  
Shouting at his best friend, “Daphne, it’s over! He obviously …”  
Justin’s words were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Rising from the couch, Justin answered the door and found Brian and Gus standing there.  
“Hey Sunshine! Do you think you can put us up while Gus and I look for a place here?”  
No words came from Justin. He just collapsed into Brian’s arms.


End file.
